


Tangled Heart

by Jena Bartley (jenab)



Category: Star Wars Prequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Diary/Journal, F/M, POV First Person
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-03
Updated: 2018-09-03
Packaged: 2019-07-06 15:39:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 531
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15888996
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jenab/pseuds/Jena%20Bartley
Summary: An entry from the journal of Padme Amidala following the Battle of Geonosis





	Tangled Heart

It has been one month since the Battle of Geonosis. Unfortunately, I have been proven correct about the creation of an Army of the Republic. Many more worlds have left the Republic to join with the Separatists. The Senate has been thrown into further chaos. Little is being accomplished anymore in the Senate except endless fighting and debate. 

I have been working more closely with the Senator from Alderaan. Bail Organa, to try and calm everyone but we’ve had little success. We work very well together, sharing the same ideas and values as we would like the Senate to return to. He is a good man and I find I enjoy working with him despite the turmoil we are going through. 

It feels like a darkness has come over all of us. I don’t know how to stop the Separatists or bring them back into the Republic. I feel like the world around me is in a downward spiral with nothing to pull me out of it. This is far worse then Naboo being under the occupation of the Trade Federation. I feel more helpless now, unable to stop the chaos around me. 

Anakin asked me to marry him. 

I was stunned. I couldn’t believe he asked me. Not when we have just come back into each other lives after ten years. Not when it is forbidden by the Jedi. 

I said no.

I love him, deeply, I think, but I am also so confused about my feelings. He confuses me. He seems so willing to go against the Jedi code when he has spent the last ten years striving to be a Jedi. When I am with him, it feels so right to be in his arms, to want and love him. He is attractive and compelling, drawing me into his presence. But when I am away from him, then the doubts set in. We barely know one another for one thing.

What he did on Tatoonie to the Tusken Raiders was horrifying. He truly frightened me when he told me how he slaughtered the women and children. How could he do such a thing? This was not the little boy I had first met on Tatoonie nor the Jedi padawan complaining how he was ready to become a Knight. I know he feels remorse over what he did....and then, on Geonosis, he came after me when I had fallen from the gun ship...

I know he loves me deeply but I don’t know if I love him enough in return. He doesn’t seem to believe in duty and obligations as I do. If they get in the way, he seems to have no trouble setting them aside if they get in the way of what he wants, like when he came after me instead of pursuing Count Dooku. By the time we were able to flag down another transport and go to Dooku’s lair, the Count was long gone, leaving an badly injured Master Kenobi behind. 

I don’t know what to do about Anakin. 

For now I think it would be best to take a step back from him to figure out how I truly feel about Anakin.


End file.
